His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I FOUND THE LEGS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
