I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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