It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
