my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
