dude i'm inner monologue high
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
