Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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