Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize