Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
