I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
