FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
