Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
