he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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