hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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