I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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