I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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