you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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