Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
