i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
