remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
