I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
