The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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