Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
