im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FUCK WHALES
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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