I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm at about main and main street
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize