Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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