We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
