i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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