He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
