with your own penis?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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