Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
