The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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