If i come over, it means nothing
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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