i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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