I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
