im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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