bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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