I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
