dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
