One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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