I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
