just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
