In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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