a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
