dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
