Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
