i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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