1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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