My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
