I am in a vortex of obligation.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
