The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
