He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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