Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
