I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize