And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
