So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
