We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
