Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
