so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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