not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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