The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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