You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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