I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
