I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
